I am grateful for white privilege.

So I've been obsessed with race lately. This is something I've been thinking about for a while, especially since I'm also obsessed with dysfunctional power and economic structures (particularly the ones we in the US live under) and socio-economic disparities. But this recent race kick I've been on was sparked by recent incidents of violence that crosses racial boundaries (like the Trayvon Martin case and the recent Charlie Bates spree in the USF area) and how the media covered them.

Let me just say this: I am grateful for the privilege I enjoy as a heterosexual educated American-born white male with no physical or mental disabilities. It's fucking great. I can walk into most stores with a backpack and no one bats an eye. I get good service in restaurants. The few times I've interacted with the police have never involved my arrest or physical harm to my person. I can marry the person I love. I can be myself and not be threatened, beaten, or killed for being who I am. The world is built for people like me, and I'm grateful for that, but I know damn well that most people don't live lives nearly as safe, secure, and supported as mine. And it eats me alive.

Source: Eastern Connecticut State University

So I almost got robbed tonight by two young black males. No harm came to me --- I waited until I was sure of hostile intent (I was damn sure), cut across traffic to block them, called 911, and clearly stated my exact location and a physical description of the two kids before they could come close. I then called the first person I could think of and waited at a 7-11 for a ride home. The adrenaline wore off when I got home. I started shaking, and when I got home I talked it out with my roommate.

This isn't the first time this has almost happened (it's the second), but this is the first time this happened, and I caught myself feeling compassion for these kids. I hope they were caught. I hope the officers gave them a stern talking-to, held them overnight to scare them a little, and then sent them home. But let's not bullshit ourselves --- this is exactly the way a cop would have treated me, a young white male, and if they were caught, they are fucked.

And this is a normative experience for non-whites. Society already puts several strikes against them: poor, black, male, young, speaking non-standard English, acting in non-mainstream ways. A criminal record (if they don't have one already) would almost certainly doom them to the same tragic and miserable life I assume  know most of their peers are mired in: frequent incarceration, economic instability, violence and physical danger that we the privileged do not have to deal with to the same degree. Yes, I was almost robbed. But I come from a place where if I were robbed, I would not be left swinging in the breeze. This is not likely to be the case with these kids.

Like I said: I'm grateful for my privilege. But it's a bitter gratitude, since I know these kids and millions more like them are never going to feel as safe, existentially secure, and supported as I do. May all beings be happy, safe, healthy, free from fear, and love easily.