Why I do this to myself.

So I just got out of my first meeting with my thesis committee and it went wel---OH SWEET MERCIFUL BUDDHA WHY DO I DO THESE THINGS TO MYSELF?!? Why couldn't I get a job or a debilitating drug addiction or a couple of illegitimate kids or whatever normal people do? Because I don't know what normal people do! That's why I'm an anthropologist's apprentice: to find out.

So that still leaves the question: why do I do these things to myself? I'll tell you why: because I love knowledge am embroiled in a torrid affair with knowledge, one in which there are no safe words, and one in which I have abandoned all sense of reason, balance, and moderation. I am the sub, and Mistress Sophia is flicking my switch, and you know what --- that's knee-tremblingly hot.

Much in the same way that Hannibal Lecter could appreciate a fine Mozart sonata with his liver-and-fava-beans casserole (editor's note: please find better analogy next time), I find an inherent beauty to parsimonious explanations to complex and often incoherent realities regarding humankind.

That's why I'm in anthropology. It's not the dubious joy of explaining to people that I don't dig up dinosaur bones or hunt for treasure, and it's not the extra initials I get to put after my name after I've gone through the rites of passage, and it's not the ability to use polysyllabic words when I'm Boris Yeltsin drunk --- it's the scaffolding upon which I can hang my understanding of human beings, answer my questions, and use said understandings and knowledge to save the world.

I am an anthropologist. I am both an instrument to gather data, and a part of the sample from which I derive my data. I am human. I study humans. I'm studying you right now, in a totally ethical and non-creepy way. So open up, baby bird, because I'm about to show you the LIFE OF THE MIND!

So stay tuned.