Destiny versus growth: objectifying men

There's a new Pandora ad that's pissing me off big-time. It's basically telling me that the most important social skill for men is to know how to talk to women and make them want to be slain by your little Mjölnir, and then promises you can learn the art of seduction by purchasing their product. So: objectify men by reducing them to a single dimension, make them feel inadequate along that single dimension, and then promise them a way to improve along that single dimension in exchange for money. Capitalism: it's bad for lovers!

Here's a secret: quality men have better things to do than worry about their ability to seduce. Ironically, having better things to do is way way more effective than active seduction, which more often than not makes you look like a dweeb and doesn't get you any more laid. The most successful men (the way I define it) I've known were dorks with some awesome shit going on in their lives: businesses to run, social movements to organize, research to conduct. In short, they had better things to do. Having nothing better to do is liquid sex repellent.

By the way, how I define success with women has changed considerably over the years. At first, it was just unlocking that ever-elusive achievement of losing my virginity. After successes, I realize that there are better things than sex. It's awesome, but it's not worth going out of my way for. In many ways, it's actually a little disappointing. Now motorcycling, on the other hand...

I also realized that it's kind of silly to deify love (hearken back to my post on destiny/growth orientation), and particularly, to deify attractive women, particularly when society tells attractive women that theirs is a seller's market and that no man will refuse them. I tend to ignore conventionally beautiful women, simply because they tend to be either too laden with expectations, or are carrying the emotional baggage of trying to be a complex soul cursed with a beautiful body. It's not as simple as the classic 'personality versus looks' dichotomy, of course, and I've been lucky enough to spend parts of my life with a few women who had ample quantities of both going for them.

I'm at a point now when I'm not particularly interested in getting laid, or finding love: I'm just looking to grow. If that means sitting at home alone with my cat, stacks of books, and Pandora stations, then I'll rock that shit. If it means getting rejected dozens of times, feeling the sting each time, and then moving on, then bring it. If it means that one or more of the signals I throw out to the handful of women I'm actively attracted to these days actually succeeds, and my little commando goes on a mission, then semper fi. But I've never profited from listening to mainstream discourses, and so I'm more inclined these days to treat my sexuality and gender identity as an act of subversion, even if it means not getting laid when society tells me I should be. Because like women, men are more than their sex.